… Cuase You Might Just Get It.
And that’s exactly what happened today. Before taking off to my friend Ruben’s house, after the Anthony dream i had last night (which nothing much really happened, i just saw us and some other dude, idk who it was, we were just hanging out playing in the street by a fence looking at spiderwebs haha idk, but it was nice seeing us chillin’ together, hanging out, talking, being actual friends.) Well before taking off i was like man i wish i could see Anthony, i wish he were to go to Ruben’s too.
And as soon as i get to my friends, my wish came true, he was there….. and i didn’t even know he was at my friends like at all the thought never even cross my mind, or else i would gone better dress, better hair, i would have taken cologne, idk i was just all w/e, messy ass hair, ugh. i woulda prepare mentally for it.
As soon as i got there, i said hi, he was ‘looking’ at other stuff, didn’t even acknowledge me, and it’s okay, i’m used to it by now, but it still sucks. At first it was awkward, i couldn’t even look at him, i feel so ashamed, embarrassed so bad, so sad, like idk it just horrible.
As the day went on, we did communicate but it was only for gaming purposes and nothing else, but hey at least that’s better than nothing, when i said good bye i was ignore again. :/
I think the think that hurts the most is the me not nothing what i did wrong, i do think i know - like i have an idea but i don’t think that’s it, i think there is something else, maybe something he thinks i did,meant,felt, but i didn’t.
He was responding to his ‘tumblr friends’ with problems and shit and i’m like you never respond to me, i don’t expect him too but man the feels, THE FEELS.
This is the THE worst situation ever, as much as other ‘ex’s’ made me suffer and things went to get more closer, more intimate or w/e it’s not the same, as i lost contact with them and i never talk to them or see them but with Anthony the wound never heals as i still see him and 100% i don’t want it to heal, i prefer to see him and hurt and cry and be sad and miserable than to just stop seeing him completely that would drive me insane…
As long as Ruben and I are friends, and i do sincerely think and hope we are friends for life. Anthony is going to be a part in my life and that makes me happy and sad at the same time. Is a curse and a blessing at the same time.
I’m cruel to myself, he’s like my own brand of heroine and i don’t want to quit him even if i knew how.
D’: I’m so ashame of how much control he has over me.
Oh GOD *cries*
I miss him, us, so much.
Omg Anthony forgive me for whatever i did, what i put you tru, i’m so sorry.
:/
