I have done it - i hit rock bottom
It all started Wed. night, may i add i didn’t even wanna go in the first place, i wanted to stay home and watch my favorite show Survivor, but since it was my friend’s 21st birthday celebration i made an exception. BAD DECISION or good in a way. as ever good has its bad and every bad has a good. Yin-Yang
While getting ready, i was feeling emotional about Anthony - again - and i wanted to drink, really badly, so my friend Richard had a bottle of vodka, may i add it was almost gone, but we started taking shots of pure vodka pre game (ugh just mentioning vodka makes me wanna gag in disgust) then we picked up Cisco and he had a brand new bottle and us three downed that shit, taking shot after shot.
I honestly didn’t wanna get that fucked up i just wanted to get tipsy but vodka is a sneaky bastard and me being a light weight and heart broken not only from Anthony but also all the shit that’s has been going on with my brother - withdrawing from me, basically our relationship is in ruins now, and we were best friends growing up, it hurt me so much. So the vodka was a way of escapism gone wrong, TERRIBLY WRONG.
15 mins in the club, as we were sitting for the drag show to begin, i started feeling extremely tipsy. i barely remember seeing Mayhem in a golden dress, i couldn’t hear her no more, i remember holding Cisco’s hand and telling him that i was a virgin and i have suffer so much in life…. yeah i’m the sad type of drunk - always taking about my sadness and horrible life.
Next thing i remember ….. being help carry home, i remember seeing my mom, her putting blankets on the floor for me to lay ….
then it was morning and i had THE WORST HUNGOVER IN THE WORLD. (my first)
I felt like DYING, my head, my stomach, everything felt bad, i felt with so much nausea, disgust, embarrassment, sadness.
I was down to my muscle shirt and trunks. turns out i vomited all over my clothes….
I hit up my friends and asked them to fill me up on what went down… this is what they told me.
My friend Richard, who has a crush on me, but i don’t have one for him, saw that i was getting so fucked up so he decided to take me outside for some fresh air. good idea, cause i instantly puked, i’m so relieved i at least did that outside the club, he said we sat in the parking lot and he was just taking care of me, then this guy approached us and told us to suck his dick, Richard was also buzzed, but he was at least able to know his senses. He told the guy to pissed off and the guy did - at least i hope …………….. :/
then he said i kept complaining i was cold and he let me borrow his jacket, which i puked on too :(
he said the alcohol really kick it and i kept telling him that i liked him and i kept on kissing him!!!!!!!!!
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then he says that Ramon got also fucked up and also puked outside the club, Ramon confirmed this saying after he vomited the blacked out.
Then they said that someone else took Ramon home!! Even though we came on HIS car, of course he wasn’t driving us back, it was Mercedez our Designated Driver. then they said we got pull over by the cops !!!! Because we didn’t had the lights on, thankfully the cop let us go. OMG i risked the BIGGEST BULLET, if i didn’t had my seat belt (which i don’t know if i did) but if i had gotten a ticket there goes my chance of getting my papers and prob face deportation!!!!!!!! WOW
Then Cisco and Richard carried me home, more like dragged me, they woke up my family and they all saw me in that state, that is the worse i still can’t, i feel so a shame.
My family says that i kept crying, had hiccups, moaning, kicking, all night, i locked the door and kept saying i was okay when my mom wanted to check on me -_________- WOW!
In the morning i was still buzzed, i went to my mom to apologize and i started crying when i told her my reason to my state - that i felt i was pushed to that extreme cause this family is broken and i don’t feel accepted nor understood, she went defensive, saying i blame everyone my problems and that they have ‘accepted’ me, even though we never talk about it nor my feelings, she said i withdrawn from them, i did cause i felt pushed into that situation, i kept crying then stop, i was going no where with her, i probably never will, if she saw me at my lowest and most vulnerable i had ever been, and didn’t even listen to me but lecture me.
I found out that i lost my wallet! i’m dead worry about it, all my IDs are there, i wonder if that’s going to affect me when it comes to getting my new one, if i’m going to need a form of ID for that or for when i take my Driver’s License, whenever i get my permit.
So i promised myself never to drink again, and if IF i do never like that, and only a margarita, mike’s hard, smirffnorfs or any of the so call ‘pussy drinks’
I had had enough - it wasn’t even worth it and made my problems 100x bigger.
If there was ever a moment i needed my permit to get here is now, NOW! i need to turn my life around -
I’m at the lowest in my life, there is nowhere to go but up.