So while watching the movie 500 Days of Summer I got to the conclusion of my true feelings for Anthony.
I always thought it was love, and i guess i always believe it was that’s why i was in ‘love’ with him, but in reality i wasn’t in love with him i was in love with the idea of being in love with someone like him that i became obsess with him.
Why him? well i guess he is the type of person i would say is ‘my type’. People can say all they want about looks and how they matter and they do to some extend but when you click and connect with someone looks, age, sex, orientation nothing matters you just click with that person.
I confused our friendship with something else, something that could and will never happen. But in my obsession i told myself i was in love and i have lived with that false fantasy. I was never in love with him, he never made me feel what love does to people, i just wanted it. He was my friend and i twisted things around, i don’t blame him for not talking to me, i just wish i could go back and change things but i can’t….
I have never been in love with someone and that hurts. I have always grew up with that view of the perfect love - that fantasy - as Joseph in the movie portraits with Zooey.
And see what happens in the end, he can’t get over her when they brake up and his sister tells him that he only remembers the good things, the things he wants to remember and he gets a flashback of the not so good times and he realizes Zooey wasn’t THE ONE, he just made her to be the one in his head. And at this moment i got a flash back at the things Anthony and i did and things weren’t perfect, our friendship was flawed from the beginning but i just retain this imagines and memories of the good ones and hold on to those… but i can finally see and i can finally let go of Anthony and this obsession i had had with him.
And as Joseph says to Zooey at the end. ‘I genuinely am happy that you are happy’ i hope i get to say this to Anthony one day, cause more than anything i would like to see him happy, with or without me in his life.